說錯話

你曾經說錯話嗎？說了不合宜的話？用了不正確的字眼？語氣？表達方式？

我常常糾正我的孩子。有時候，很好笑。有時候，很尷尬。有時候很氣。

其實，我自己常說錯話。印象很深的有幾次。

第一次被糾正，而且深感痛悔，是在大學。我和我這位Ethiopia的好朋友在Moody Bible Institute念書。我們常常在一起，說很多話。有一次她告訴我，我幾天前說的某句話傷了她的心。我好驚訝，因爲我原無此意要傷她，心裏好難過。感謝主我們的友誼並沒因此受損害，我們仍然是好朋友。那是我第一次我告訴神我要立定心志説話小心。

有次我要拒絕一位追求我的男生，結果説錯話，導致話傳到團契輔導耳中。那位輔導是位神忠心良善的僕人，勸我説話要小心。那次我也很難過，又說錯話。

我生活最常接觸的就是先生小孩。我多次為自己向他們說錯話而悔改在神面前。

最近又發生了說錯話的事件。也是神忠心良善的僕人告訴我的。我為這些忠心良善的僕人感謝神，若不把事情告訴我，我錯了自己也不知道，將來也許重復同樣的錯誤。雖然如此，每一次心裏都會非常難過。這次也不例外。那晚，帶著沉重的心情躺在床上，向主傾訴。說著，說著，我就問，

“主啊，好難哦。我曾經爲此軟弱背誦了些箴言記載對話語的經文。。。 我原就不是很會説話、很會表達的人。。。 好難哦。。。”

“秀君，在我沒有難成的事。你相信，因著我的幫助，你會改變嗎？”

突然，在我裏面有鼓力量、信心高漲，“對！在你沒有難成的事。雖然我自己做不到，但你可以！啊。。。 謝謝主！”

是的，我可以向主學習，祂一定會教我。我要好好的留意聼祂的聲音。我不需要停留在懊悔沮喪裏，好像那無盼望的人；我的懊悔，神已紀念，也已赦免。我可以勇敢的走出來，帶著盼望的再度往前行。

有主陪伴的人生真幸福！每件大小事物祂都關注、都在乎。謝謝主！

Invitation to raise up the next generation

I'm very thankful for the season I had when I was actively involved in Chinese harp and bowl (prayer meetings) here in IHOP-KC. I had the privilege to lead a set too. Well, it isn't on the webstream because the international sets are in JPR instead of GPR (the main prayer room). It doesn't make us less important at all because whether JPR or GPR, we all have the same audience, and only audience, that is, Jesus!!!

It was a season I was drawn close to the Chinese community here. I moved here summer 2009 but it was January 2011 that I got to know them and developed friendships with them. I was thankful and really treasure the time we had. For a stay-home and home-school mom, this is a bonus!

1. It was challenging yet rewarding to listen to the recording of the sets I lead. I realized the weakness of my vocal strength and started taking vocal lesson. Not so I can sound great, even though sounding good is pleasant to those listening, but more because I want to enter into the fullness of the voice that God has given me. Also, I've learn so much about team work as well as different instruments. When different instruments play in a team, there're time to go full force and there're time to hold back. There can be so much variety that leads to different dynamics.


2. Every week, we're interceeding for houses of prayers to be raised up among the Chinese, for His Chinese church to grow in intimacy with Jesus and to know Him, and for the salvation of Israel.


3. Coming alive!! Yes, when I lead worship, there is part of me that come alive! Even my friend said the same thing when she saw the changes in me when I started worship leading.


4. I'm thankful for the sacrifices of my husband and children to make space for me to stay in this season for a while. Sad to admit that there were times I neglected them. Many late night hours I was in JPR singing or worship leading, and often times slept between 2-4am. Mornings came in a few hours and my children were awake but I wasn't awake enough to take care of their needs. But I'm grateful for their sacrifice.

At the end of the season, I felt the Lord inviting me to change gear and turn my heart back to my children. I felt Him asking me, not demanding me, "Are you willing to give 'that' up, to raise the next generation?" I knew what He meant and I felt His heartbeat for my children.

One time during worship, I had a little conversation with the Lord.

I said, "God, thank You for giving me the opportunity to sing with the Chinese team on stage at GPR. I never thought I would be up there, I don't think I would pass the audition..."

God interrupted me, "Yes, but what's a greater privilege is that you are my preciuos daughter, it means so much more than singing on stage at GPR. Your experience on stage at GPR is only temperory, but your identity as my daughter is forever."

I broke down in tears, sobbing, as He merged me into His vast ocean of love. Then He said, "I'm not asking you to work hard towards GPR, to be recognized by men or approved by men, but I'm inviting you to enter into another season, just you and me, where I want you to singing to me and play for me alone in your basement where no one else can hear you."

"Yes, Lord, I am willing..."

That marked the end of my involvement with Chinese worship team, and the beginning of a new season with 2 focuses, raising up the next generation, and singing/playing keyboard for Jesus in my basement.

Little did I know "raising up the next generation" isn't limited to my children. Later on, the Lord shares with me His heart for the young people. It is amazing. I never thought I'd have the desire to serve the youths or young adults. I used to think the next generation is so different from mine and I have nothing to give them and I don't know how to relate to them. Now, the burden for them is increasing in my heart and I will yet explore what it means to raise up the next generation in the future. :)

The shift wasn't all easy, but His love made it possible. When I started the change, I prayed to God "Can you help me to transition and help me not to look back and 'miss' the past?" Amazingly, I soon found out He actually did listened to my little weak prayer and changed my heart. I found joy and satisfaction in this new season. I did not regret stepping off Chinese worship team at all.

By this time, my staff application went through and I started my official sacred trust hours (that means I have to sign in) and I'm loving it! My time in the prayer room, though not on stage, but the same involvement. I prayed together with those leading on stage, for many prayer focuses, like "ending of human trafficking", "revival to Hollywood and LA", "Russian", "Japan", "Israel", "youths"...

Currently I'm devoting my 12 hours of services to translating (written translation). I'm loving it too! Just few days ago as I was doing the translation on my laptop my heart was stirred and touched by the message itself. God is encountering me no less than when I was in the worship team.

And, everyday I go to sleep around 8:30pm and wake up at 4:30am. :) I love being an early bird! I almost felt like God made me an early bird by nature. I feel awake and energized and, I get lots of dreams...

How long will this season last? It can be 3 months, 1 year, 10 years, I don't know. But from past experiences, the present is always the best season and I want to live to the fullest of what God has in store for me, and the next season is even better and I will not be afraid when time to change arrive. Amen!